Season 7, Episode 12
“Ian gave me the mantra that enabled me to stroll on in to being a producer and a writer. He said, ‘If you like it, it’s right.’ And he meant it, and I believed him one hundred percent.”
-Tom Marsh, on his long friendship with Ian Lovatt
Sonia Khan & Ian Lovatt
Musician and producer Ian Lovatt wasn’t sure what was wrong. He’d had a headache for a few days, and at some point found himself standing in front of an ATM machine, completely unable to remember his pin code. Though he didn’t know it yet, he’d had a brain hemorrhage.
Eventually Ian’s wife, Sonia Khan, called an ambulance. When Ian was finally sent for a brain scan, doctors gave him a large dose of morphine, and sent him to a hospital in London.
“It was scary,” Sonia said. “I didn’t think he was going to make it.”
While taking care of their two young children and advocating for Ian’s care with the hospital staff, Sonia began calling family and friends. She wanted to tell people what had happened before it was too late for them to come to say goodbye. One of the people she phoned was Ian’s friend Tom Marsh, who was then on tour with Lana Del Ray.
After many weeks of intense treatment, Ian’s health slowly improved, and he was finally allowed to return home. Still, the trauma of Ian’s near-death experience haunted him. He stayed in his room all day, unwilling to come downstairs for a meal with his children or to go for a walk.
“I’d just had this profound experience,” Ian said, “Unless you speak to someone who’s had a very similar experience, no one understands. I had nothing else to talk about.”
Sonia was unsure how to help. Ian didn’t seem like himself, but of course he was recovering from a brain hemorrhage. After months of this, Sonia asked Ian to come with her to visit some friends. Ian resisted; Sonia insisted – eventually they went together.
Somehow, it was enough. Over the next few weeks Ian slowly began to rejoin his family and his life. Though he says that his near-death experience colors his perspective to this day, Ian is now able to co-exist with it peaceably.
Dr. Brianna Morgan
Caregiving researcher Dr. Brianna Morgan works predominantly with older patients experiencing dementia. Like Ian, many of them struggle to talk about their experience. One way that Brianna helps them communicate is by using poetic analysis, translating the themes in their interviews into poems that she shares with their loved ones and caregivers.
“The reason we did it was to help describe these really complex experiences in a more simple way,” Brianna says. “Typically what we do in qualitative research is that we have these long beautiful quotes, and people who have changes in their memory and thinking can’t always do that. But it doesn’t mean that the depth of what they’re saying isn’t there.”
A theme in Sonia and Ian’s story that sparked Brianna’s interest was the way that Sonia dismissed her own role in Ian’s recovery. This was something that Brianna heard repeatedly in her research – relatively few people feel up to the task of taking care of another person, especially when their needs can be so monumental and overwhelming.
“Over and over again caregivers would say ‘I’m not the person for this, I’m not cut out for it, I’m worried I won’t be good enough,’” Brianna said.
Tom Marsh, photo by Katrin Albert
When Tom Marsh got the call from Sonia, he was in Frankfurt, Germany. For ten years Tom was the drummer for Lana Del Ray, playing stadiums and amphitheaters. His first show with Lana was a relatively small gig, with only six thousand people in the audience.
“All you need to see is a thousand people weeping in flower crowns to ‘Video Games,’ and you’re, like, ‘I could do this for a long time,’” Tom said.
It was no small thing to ask for a few days off in the midst of a tour like this, but Tom said he could hear in Sonia’s voice that the situation was extremely serious. Ian means a lot to Tom, both as a friend and as a powerful influence on Tom’s early career. In fact, Ian gave Tom some advice that was instrumental in helping him become the artist he wanted to be.
“Ian gave me the mantra that enabled me to stroll on in to being a producer and a writer,” Tom said. “He said, ‘If you like it, it’s right.’ And he meant it, and I believed him one hundred percent.”
Tom’s song – which is the first he’s released as a solo artist in many years – is called “Illuminate.” You can hear it in the podcast, and streaming wherever you listen to music.
Season seven of SongWriter is made possible by a grant from Templeton World Charity Foundation.
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This project was made possible through the support of a grant from Templeton World Charity Foundation, Inc (funder DOI 501100011730, under the grant https://doi.org/10.54224/31681). The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of Templeton World Charity Foundation, Inc.